Blog #2 Poetry Essay

For the He Looked Not upon Her, a poem by English poet, George Gascoigne, reflects on a character’s emotions that have come about a previous mistake. This mistake, a girl he has fallen for, is the root for his feelings of resent that stem from him feeling wronged. This complex, multiple-sided attitude is developed through the poet’s imagery, and within that imagery, his purposeful diction.

Within the first two lines, Gascoigne sets a dark mood. “You must not wonder though you think it strange, to see me hold my louring head so low;” At first glance, this first line introduces the character as a wronged, shameful man who has bouts of, what we can assume as, depression. It can be assumed through the first line, that the other character, the girl, constantly gets looked at fondly by many for she finds it strange that the main character now shames his face around her.

In the next four lines (lines 5-8), Gascoigne uses imagery to reflect his character’s emotion after he had been wronged. The four lines after that (lines 9-11), are purposefully written to match the previous four with another example reflecting his reconciled emotions.

The first set of four lines uses a mouse to replace the character symbolically. The mouse, a lowly creature, can be compared to our character at his lowest point. “Broken out of a trap”, the character has broken free of his dark desire for the girl. The next line, “is seldom [enticed] with the trustless bait, But lies aloof for fear of more mishap” clearly tells us that the main character has learned his lesson, is resentful of his previous self and projects his anger and life’s mistake on her. She, the girl, being the reason for his misery, has made him feel as a fly—one of earth’s many small, pesky creatures, unworthy to live longer than a week on the planet. The fly, “scorched” by the fire, is worse off than it was before the encounter. Our main character has been “burned” and feels misery after associated with the girl, he also compares to as “fire”—a dangerous but beautiful creation.

He ends it as de

Reflection:

In AP Language and Composition, we wrote an argumentative analysis on the poem, For He That Looked Not Upon Her. If I were to give myself an overall score, it would be a 4. First off, I didn’t even finish the essay so timing was an issue. My analysis was also slightly superficial. Subpar analysis and lack of control of writing would be my main two issues. I find that I know what I want to say but I have a hard time communicating it through words. Part of me knows that once I’ve written a couple more essays, I’ll be able to get back into the swing of things.  The other part knows I need to work on becoming a more concise writer. By the end of the year, I should see a steady increase in my score. To measure my progress, I need to be able to list what I think I did well and poorly for each essay I’ll do in the future. By the end of AP Literature, I should see more “pros than cons”.

My comments:

Dear Diva, 
First off, I would like say, great job on your first AP Literature Essay. That being said, there are still some problems, obviously. I don't believe you deserve a 4 but you certainly don't deserve a 9. Don't underestimate your writing abilities. Your interpretation of the poem is accurate but your analysis could use some work. 

Your analysis can be summed up as this. Your scratching the top of the glass but aren't breaking through. I would say your analysis was good enough to bump you a point or 2 up. I feel like you know what you want to say but you have a hard time communicating it. Try working on more effective diction rather than using phrases like "very good"

You do a good job at organizing and have a solid open-ended thesis allowing room for discussion. 

Overall, there is room for improvement but you did a decent job considering that it is the beginning the year. I expect growth.

http://vinoddivyaapenglish2016.blogspot.com/2015/08/blog-2-poetry-essay.html?showComment=1440435319075#c8179853854465625093

Dear Morgan,
First off, good job. That being said, there is room for improvement. 

The thesis, the basis for your entire essay, is a bit close-ended and doesn't tell much. What kind of diction, what kind of form? Is the imagery vivid? Work on opening up that thesis a bit more instead of having an AP EURO DBQ style thesis. You feel?

You have a good writing style. By good writing style, I mean that it's easy to read and you have a firm control over your writing. I would like to the see the content of what your writing about (the analysis) go a bit more in depth. Think, "why would the author include this example, this word, this form? And how does it work together to create a complex attitude?"

I would give you a 5 because, though your analysis was lacking a bit, your control of language was good. 

Sincerely,
Selina 

http://jewettmorganapenglish2016.blogspot.com/2015/08/blog-2-poetry-essay.html?showComment=1440435868157#c6392756840393873994  

REVISED DRAFT:

In the sonnet "For That He Looked Not Upon Her", George Gascoigne exhibits a complex, multi-sided attitude through several tone shifts when expressing his past with "Her". Gascoigne matches nature's infliction of pain on innocent animals to his own sense of betrayal when a women rejects his love. The sober analogy of a scarred mouse and hurt fly pairs with the sour alliteration and despairing diction of Gascoigne’s commentary to dismiss love as a malicious and deceiving siren.

There are several shifts within the sonnet that shape the complex attitude of the speaker. In the first shift we see. The speaker changes the focus from describing his own emotions to drawing a comparison with a mouse who cannot trust bait after he escaped a trap. The tone becomes pitiful as the speaker empathizes with the figurative mouse who has just broken out of a trap, no longer "’ticèd with the trustless bait". The speaker cannot trust the woman, just as the mouse cannot trust the food. Both desired food/love, and both were betrayed.


Parallel in structure, the next shift that occurs within the next two lines, the speakers tone becomes more condemning and accusatory of the wrongdoer. The focus shifts to the consequence of the mouse escaping the trap, and the psychology of its aversion. “But lies aloof for fear of more mishap, And feedeth still in doubt of deep deceit". In this quatrain, the speaker is, without a doubt, upset and now cautious of his future, fearing the same situation happening again. He shows this attitude by first, stating a metaphor that is reflective of himself, and then stating the consequences of his mistake.

We see that in the next quatrain, it is very similar to the one before. The focus shifts to another analogy of a fly who has been scorched by fire. The tone returns to being pitiful, in parallel with the 1st shift. The fly, naturally attracted to fire, will “hardly come to play with [it]” again. This is parallel to his other metaphor and his situation because he naturally drawn to a woman but must avoid her to protect himself. He uses the fly's and the mouses' situation to justify his avoiding her.

Finally his last shift happens in the rhyming couplet at the very end of the sonnet. The rhyming at the end of the sonnet, meant to emphasize a point, wraps up the speakers last exclamation against his love interest. Relating to the title, the speaker expresses how he will "wink or else hold down my head, Because your [her] blazing eyes my bale have bred." This final shift is a change in focus from an abstract, general surrender of love to a specific description of his own heartbreak. The tone is resigned as the speaker submits to the “inevitable” solution to his problem. We see that the speaker accepts his aversion to his love as the only solution to his emotional anguish.

Through the multiple tonal shifts, we see how the speaker's tone and attitude change as the poem progresses, finally ending with the acceptance of his emotional state. Comparisons in the poem that helped develop the tonal shifts, were intended to reveal more about the author’s situation and mindset, and show that he really does have no other option but to avoid love, because in his natural attempt to find it, he scorched himself and learned of the dangers of the game. We see that the speaker passes through several tones that combined create a complex attitude.

Reflection:
The new, three-sentence thesis, was beneficial because it was straight-forward but allowed for complexity. The thesis stated a stance rather than just copying the prompt. The tone shift chart helped clearly show the authors complex attitude, especially as it changed from shift to shift. Looking at each shift, I could compare and contrast them to each other, using those observations to support the idea of the speaker's complex attitude. The tone chart contained everything from, tone to literary devices that helped me deepen my analysis while still relating to thesis. Most importantly, I believe that the tone chart helped me focus in on necessary details, which I struggled with the first time around. Overall, I feel like the tone chart coupled with the new thesis, boosted my confidence when writing the second draft.